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Thursday, 26 July 2012

Endometriosis nightmare ... why cant i be 'normal' ?

Laparoscopy


 This last month has been so up and down for me, in pain, bloated, sick, sore, numb, mood swings, exhausted from doing normal everyday activities and headaches as well as other things. Then the next minute there is nothing wrong and I have been on the endo diet and the result is me not being in as much pain but some days i cannot help it or reduce the pain that i experience.

"It makes me feel like a little hermit in a little bubble of Blergh."

It is quite weird because I have been going through being sick and random off things for at least 12 years now and have had random diagnosis's but nothing has really touched it and i do not want to be stuck on pain killers for the rest of my life and the diet is working to some extent BUT.... as i was saying i have been told that i am imagining the pain, or that it is because my bowel is spasmodic and many more guess workings, I have been let down and told different things by Drs and been in a whole whirl wind of emotions with them, one Dr when i was going in for being sick all the time even asked;

''Are there any problems in the family?''

 just because when i was around 15 they told me i had exhausted all the tablets on the market and that there was nothing else they could do!.

 so even though i really do not want Endometriosis (who does?) I want there to be something there so that they can fix 'it'.

 I hate the limbo over the past years of them having no idea what it is actually causing my symptoms and sometimes it seems like they are purely guessing with the diagnosis! with the Endo diagnosis he seemed adamant that it is Endo, adhesions and an over-active bladder, when i got told that i was a little relived to here that it may actually be endo, so i can start on the right way to deal with it!  i am a little less optimistic than i have been previously.
Well anyway, I have had the phone call and my laparoscopy surgery is now Finally set at a date (even though it is a month later than promised!) it is now on the 10th August, When i got the phone call i felt all kinds of emotions because it has become real. Excitement that they may take the pain away finally and i can live normally, Scared of what will be, Worried of the complications and because i spent 4 months in hospital and do not want it to be like that again!!, and then i cried because i was overwhelmed on the phone to my boyfriend.


I was supposed to be having the mirena coil fitted when i have the surgery but i have decided against it and do not want it, all i have been reading are bad reviews, getting stuck in the cervix, imbedded in the walls, constant bleeding, more pain!! and even less of a social life! no thank you!, i do not wish to have these problems and if i do start to bleed heavily the last thing i want is to become anemic due to the diet and then on top of that bleeding too, So no i am telling them that i do not want it. 

On a plus note i have a wedding to go to that i am bridesmaid for!! i am so excited but very anxious because of the pain and sickness and also my lavatory problems! but im going to just go for it! My close friend will only get married once so i WILL be going, no matter what! with everything crossed that it goes smoothly so that i can be there for her and not the other way round! the last thing i want is for her to be worrying about me on her wedding day! 

I will post about how the wedding goes and the operation when they have happened

wishing you a pain free week night!!

xxxxxxx